Some people enter your life to teach you a lesson. Others call you two weeks after firing you just to make sure you learned it.
Let's rewind the clock.
Early 2000s.
I was living a double life. Working my regular 9-to-5, attending college, and freelancing whenever I could find a spare minute.
Back then, being a virtual assistant wasn't particularly glamorous.
There weren't thousands of people on social media teaching you how to start an agency. I didn't have some elaborate business plan, a perfectly defined niche, or an impressive collection of contracts.
I had a laptop, Wi-Fi, and Craigslist.
Yes, Craigslist.
Before you judge me, understand that Craigslist was practically the internet's version of a flea market. You never knew what you were going to find, but occasionally, you'd stumble across something worth taking home.
And I was looking for opportunities.
I wasn't dreaming about building a seven-figure agency.
I wanted to pay off my credit card, buy a better car, and have a little extra money left over.
Simple pleasures.
Then I met Vanessa.
And honey, Vanessa was about to give me an education that no college professor could have prepared me for.
Enter Vanessa. Corporate Royalty.
Vanessa was a C-suite executive at a Fortune 500 company.
She had the Bay Area credentials, the executive presence, and the kind of voice that could probably get someone fired before lunch.
I was impressed.
Here I was, a young woman trying to establish herself, and this accomplished executive wanted to work with me.
ME!
Naturally, I was determined to impress her.
I completed assignments early. Responded to messages late. Made myself available whenever she needed something.
Need a newsletter written over the weekend?
Absolutely.
Want a blog post during my lunch break?
Coming right up.
Another assignment while I'm studying for an exam?
Why the hell not?
I was young, ambitious, and apparently convinced that the human body could function indefinitely without sleep.
My 24 hours were stretching like spandex.
And for a while, everything worked.
Until it didn't.
My Availability Had Left the Chat
Here's where things started getting interesting.
My client roster was growing.
My responsibilities at my regular job were increasing.
College was still college.
And somewhere in the middle of all that, I was supposed to maintain the same enthusiastic turnaround times I'd established when I had fewer clients and more available hours.
Spoiler alert: I couldn't.
The assignments I used to finish over a weekend started taking several business days.
My responses weren't quite as immediate.
And I was slowly discovering that being available for everybody meant having absolutely no time for myself.
But did I communicate any of this?
Of course not.
That would have required admitting I couldn't do everything.
Instead, I kept saying yes.
I had no proper system for managing my growing workload. No clearly established expectations about turnaround times. And absolutely no understanding of how to protect my personal time.
Vanessa noticed.
Our previously pleasant conversations became noticeably less pleasant.
Her messages grew shorter.
Her patience grew thinner.
And eventually, I missed a deadline.
I tried to explain what happened.
Vanessa wasn't interested.
We parted ways.
At the time, I was disappointed. I'd worked hard to impress this woman, and losing her as a client felt like a personal failure.
But I figured that was the end of our working relationship.
Oh, how adorable of me.
Apparently, Getting Fired Came With a Follow-Up Call
A couple of weeks later, my phone rang.
Vanessa.
Interesting.
Perhaps she wanted to offer some constructive feedback.
Maybe she wanted to discuss what had happened.
Perhaps we'd both learned something from the experience and could have a perfectly reasonable conversation.
Girl, please.
Vanessa had called to tell me about her new writer.
Apparently, this woman was faster.
More on-brand.
More aligned with what Vanessa needed.
Congratulations to everybody involved.
But she wasn't finished.
She started yelling.
Actually yelling.
Over newsletters.
And turnaround times.
This grown woman, with her impressive executive credentials and Fortune 500 experience, was shouting at me over the telephone about work I was no longer doing for her.
And I froze.
I genuinely didn't know what to say.
Part of me wondered whether I was cut out for freelancing.
Had I overestimated my abilities?
Was I just some college student playing businesswoman?
And another part of me was wondering whether this woman had completely lost her damn mind.
Because who calls a former freelancer weeks after ending the relationship just to announce how wonderful the replacement is?
Was there an awards ceremony I missed?
Should I have sent flowers?
I was completely dumbfounded.
And for a while, that conversation bothered me more than I wanted to admit.
Let's Discuss My Part in This Mess
Here's the thing about getting older.
Eventually, you have to revisit certain experiences and acknowledge that two things can be true.
Vanessa's behavior during that phone call was inappropriate.
And I hadn't managed our working relationship particularly well.
I had established expectations I couldn't sustain.
I made myself available at ridiculous hours.
I accepted assignments without considering my existing commitments.
And when my workload increased, I didn't have the systems or communication practices necessary to manage the situation.
I had essentially trained my client to expect unlimited access to me.
Then I was surprised when she became frustrated that I couldn't maintain it.
That doesn't excuse the yelling.
But it does explain why our working relationship started falling apart.
I had confused excellent customer service with making myself available for absolutely everything.
And those are two very different things.
The Most Expensive Education I Never Paid For
Vanessa became my first experience with a client relationship that had gone completely off the rails.
And although I wouldn't recommend her particular teaching methods, I learned quite a bit.
I learned that enthusiasm doesn't replace a contract.
Being talented doesn't automatically make you good at managing clients.
And working harder isn't always the solution when your workload becomes unmanageable.
Most importantly, I learned that boundaries are something you establish at the beginning of a relationship.
Not after you're already exhausted, resentful, and contemplating throwing your laptop out the nearest window.
Looking back, I needed to establish realistic turnaround times, communicate when my availability changed, and stop accepting assignments simply because someone asked.
I also needed to understand that losing a client wasn't the end of the world.
Especially a client who thought calling me to celebrate my replacement was a productive use of her afternoon.
Sometimes I Still Wonder What Vanessa Is Doing
Now, here's where I confess something slightly ridiculous.
I still Google Vanessa occasionally.
Yes.
After all these years.
I even found her on LinkedIn.
And for approximately five seconds, I entertained the idea of sending her a message.
"Hey, girl! Remember me?"
"Just wanted to let you know that I eventually built a successful business and now teach virtual assistants how to manage clients, establish boundaries, and avoid situations like ours."
"Anyway, thanks for the material!"
Can you imagine?
I certainly can.
But then I remember that I have absolutely nothing to prove to this woman.
Besides, I have a business to run.
And I refuse to spend another unpaid minute working on Vanessa-related assignments.
Although I must admit, she'd probably make an excellent case study.
Names changed to protect the ridiculous, naturally.
The Plot Twist? I Became the Person I Needed Back Then.
Today, I help virtual assistants develop their businesses, recognize their value, and establish professional relationships with clients.
And whenever I talk about contracts, expectations, communication, or boundaries, I'm speaking from experience.
I've been the inexperienced freelancer who said yes to everything.
I've been the overwhelmed business owner who didn't know how to manage a growing workload.
And I've been the woman sitting on the other end of a telephone, wondering why someone thought yelling was an acceptable form of communication.
I didn't learn everything from a course.
Some lessons came directly from making mistakes.
Others came courtesy of people I sincerely hope never to work with again.
Vanessa just happened to provide an exceptionally memorable combination of both.
And while I wouldn't volunteer to repeat the experience, I can appreciate what it eventually taught me.
These days, I'd handle that relationship very differently.
I'd establish expectations before accepting the work.
I'd communicate when my availability changed.
And if a former client called me weeks after our relationship ended to complain about me?
I'd probably ask whether she'd accidentally dialed the wrong number.
Then I'd wish her and her fabulous new writer a wonderful afternoon.
Click.
Because some conversations really don't require a second meeting.
CURRENT MOOD
"Survivor" by Destiny's Child
There's something particularly satisfying about looking back at an experience that once made you question yourself and realizing how far you've come.
And if I'm going to revisit my early-2000s freelance adventures, I might as well have an early-2000s soundtrack.
PEAK OF THE WEEK
Looking back at one of my earliest client experiences and recognizing how much I've learned since then.
The same woman who once questioned whether she was cut out for freelancing eventually built a business and began helping other virtual assistants avoid the mistakes she made.
And somewhere out there, Vanessa is probably still giving somebody a performance review they didn't ask for.
#ThanksForTheTraumaVanessa
XXX,
M💋
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