I had just finished filing my nails and dancing around my house to Beyoncé’s Renaissance album.
Late lunch made.
Candle lit.
Calendar under control.
For once, I felt like I had my shit together.
Then my client's Zoom call came ringing.
Fine.
Let's work.
I hopped on and started walking him through ClickUp.
Everything was perfectly normal until he looked at me and said:
“You know, you're way too pretty to be this organized.”
Sir.
What exactly does my face have to do with your project management system?
But I laughed.
Not because it was funny.
Because sometimes when a man controls part of your income and says something weird, your brain does this little calculation:
Was that inappropriate?
Am I overreacting?
Should I say something?
Do I want to make this awkward?
And, perhaps most importantly:
When is this invoice getting paid?
So I laughed it off.
That was my first mistake.
It Didn't Stay Cute for Long
Once he realized I wasn't going to address that first comment, there was another.
Then another.
Soon came the 9 PM Slack messages.
“Just checking in 😉”
Checking in on WHAT?
It's nine o'clock.
The office is closed.
The employees have gone home.
Management is unavailable.
Please try your call again during normal business hours.
Except I didn't say that either.
I kept trying to convince myself it wasn't a big deal.
Then the compliments got bolder.
The calls got longer.
He started asking about my weekends.
My nails.
My voice.
Things that had absolutely nothing to do with the work he hired me to do.
Then one day, during a Zoom call, he told me I had:
“Wife energy.”
Oh.
We've lost the plot entirely.
I Thought Keeping It Cute Would Keep the Client
Here's the part I hate admitting.
I stayed on the call.
I smiled.
I redirected the conversation.
I tried to keep things professional without directly acknowledging how uncomfortable he'd made me.
Because I thought that was the safest way to handle it.
Don't make things awkward.
Don't offend the client.
Don't jeopardize the money.
Just finish the work.
Keep it cute.
Except keeping it cute wasn't keeping anything under control.
It was teaching him that I'd tolerate it.
Every time I laughed something off, ignored a message, or redirected instead of addressing the behavior, I gave him room to try again.
And he did.
Professional Doesn't Mean Passive
I used to think professionalism meant maintaining composure no matter what somebody else did.
Don't react.
Don't get emotional.
Don't make a scene.
Handle it.
Now?
I think professionalism also means being willing to say:
“That comment isn't appropriate.”
“We need to keep our communication related to the project.”
“I'm not available outside our agreed working hours.”
And sometimes:
“This working relationship is no longer a fit.”
You don't have to become rude to establish a boundary.
But you do have to establish one.
Because silence has a funny way of getting interpreted as permission.
A Budget Doesn't Buy Access to Me
This was another lesson I had to learn.
A client paying you does not suddenly gain access to every version of you.
They're paying for the work.
Not your evenings.
Not your weekends.
Not your personal life.
Not your attention whenever they're bored.
And certainly not the right to make you uncomfortable because there's money attached to the relationship.
That invoice is not an all-access pass.
You hired the professional.
That's who you get.
I Started Hating the Work
And that's what made the situation worse.
The actual work wasn't the problem.
I could do the work.
But every Slack notification started making me wonder what I was about to open.
Every Zoom call came with that little feeling of:
What's he going to say this time?
A client relationship that should have been straightforward became something I dreaded.
And I had helped create that situation by refusing to address what was happening.
Not because his behavior was my responsibility.
It wasn't.
But protecting my access, time, and working environment was.
I couldn't control what he said.
I could control whether he continued getting access to me after he said it.
Now I Address It the First Time
I don't wait anymore.
One weird comment?
We're addressing it.
Communication suddenly getting too personal?
We're bringing it back to business.
Messages outside working hours?
They can sit right there until I'm back online.
And my contracts are much clearer about professional conduct and communication.
Respect isn't a bonus feature.
It's the baseline.
Because I've learned that boundaries are much easier to maintain when you establish them before you're already pissed off.
You Are Not the Company Girlfriend
Especially to my fellow VAs:
You are not there to entertain your client.
You are not his work crush.
You are not his therapist.
You are not his emotional support VA.
You do not owe anybody flirtation, laughter, personal access, or extra attention because they're paying you.
You can be warm.
Funny.
Friendly.
Personable.
You can build incredible relationships with your clients.
But friendly and available are not the same thing.
And being paid does not require you to tolerate behavior that makes you uncomfortable.
Eventually, I Fired Him
And guess what?
The world did not end.
I didn't lose my business.
My reputation didn't collapse.
I didn't suddenly become “difficult.”
I ended a client relationship that no longer felt appropriate.
And I got paid in full.
That part mattered to me.
Because younger Monica was afraid that standing up for herself would automatically cost her money.
Sometimes it might.
But I've learned something else since then.
Money that requires me to abandon my boundaries is expensive as hell.
The Budget Wasn't Worth the Bullshit
Today, I pay attention much earlier.
Not only to what potential clients say, but how they say it.
How they communicate.
How they respond when I establish a boundary.
How they treat my time.
Because the client with the biggest budget isn't automatically the best client.
And somebody being willing to pay your rate doesn't mean you have to accept everything else that comes with them.
He had the budget.
He just didn't have boundaries.
Thankfully, eventually I found mine.
CURRENT MOOD
“Dark Horse” by Katy Perry feat. Juicy J.
Because apparently some men mistake paying an invoice for purchasing unlimited access.
Wrong queen.
Wrong kingdom.
And definitely the wrong VA.
Listen to “Dark Horse” on YouTube
PEAK OF THE WEEK
Firing a client mid-project and still getting paid in full.
Not because firing someone feels good.
Because there was a time when I genuinely believed losing a client was worse than tolerating behavior that made me uncomfortable.
Now I know better.
The money cleared.
The client disappeared.
And my peace came back.
That's a damn good return on investment.
#TheBudgetWasntWorthTheBullshit
XXX,
M💋
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