I Fired My Assistant. Then I Realized I Was the Problem.

Confessions of a recovering control freak who hired help, fired help, and eventually learned how to accept help.

Some lessons cost money. Others cost you your sanity.

Mine cost me an assistant.

Well, temporarily.

I hired her, fired her within a week, and then hired her back.

And before you start feeling sorry for her, I promise she was perfectly capable of doing her job.

Unfortunately, her boss was acting like a lunatic.

Her boss was me.

The CEO Who Couldn't Let Go

I've spent over 20 years supporting executives. I've managed calendars, coordinated projects, handled demanding personalities, and kept businesses running behind the scenes.

Delegation was practically part of my DNA.

So you'd think I'd know how to delegate when I became the person running the business.

LMAO. Apparently, experience doesn't exempt you from your own bullshit.

My business was growing. My calendar was packed. My DMs were overflowing. I was answering emails at ridiculous hours and juggling more responsibilities than I cared to admit.

I needed help.

Desperately.

So I hired an assistant.

And then I proceeded to make both our lives miserable.

I wanted someone to take things off my plate, but I also wanted to approve every decision, review every detail, and make sure everything was done exactly how I would've done it.

Imagine hiring someone to help you carry groceries and then insisting on holding every single bag.

That was me.

Except the groceries were my business, and I was wondering why my damn arms hurt.

You're Fired. Wait, Come Back.

Within a week, I fired her.

I convinced myself that maybe I wasn't ready for an assistant. Maybe hiring someone was creating more work. Maybe I should wait until I had better systems.

I had an entire collection of excuses.

And they all sounded reasonable until I started examining my own behavior.

She knew what she was doing.

I'd hired someone capable, then refused to give her the opportunity to demonstrate it.

I was constantly checking her work because I was terrified of something going wrong.

And somewhere between reviewing tasks and trying to manage every detail, I'd turned myself into the very type of boss I'd spent my career helping executives avoid becoming.

The irony was embarrassing.

I'd built a business around helping people delegate, and I couldn't even take my own advice.

The call was coming from inside the house, honey.

Perfectionism Has Expensive Taste

I've always taken pride in my work.

Supporting executives taught me to anticipate problems, pay attention to details, and take responsibility for getting things done.

Those skills helped me build my career.

But running my own business required something else.

I had to learn that being responsible for the outcome didn't mean I needed to personally execute every task.

And that was difficult for me.

Because somewhere along the way, I'd convinced myself that maintaining control was the same as maintaining quality.

I was afraid of disappointing clients.

I was afraid of mistakes.

I was afraid that handing over responsibilities meant risking everything I'd worked so hard to build.

So I held on tighter.

And the tighter I held on, the more exhausted I became.

My perfectionism was costing me the very freedom I'd started my business to enjoy.

I had escaped corporate life only to become an employee of my own impossible expectations.

And my new boss?

She was a bitch.

The Rehire That Taught Me How to Lead

Eventually, I swallowed my pride and brought my assistant back.

Same woman.

Same skills.

Same business.

This time, I needed to approach things differently.

I started looking at the responsibilities I'd been holding on to and asking myself why I was so reluctant to hand them over.

Did they genuinely require my expertise?

Or was I keeping them because I was uncomfortable watching someone else do things differently?

Those are two very different problems.

I also had to accept that my assistant couldn't read my mind.

If I wanted something done a particular way, I needed to communicate my expectations, provide the necessary resources, and give her enough independence to do her job.

And when something needed correcting?

We could have a conversation.

Imagine that. Two grown women communicating.

Revolutionary.

As I became more comfortable delegating, I started experiencing the benefits I'd been denying myself.

✦ I stopped answering emails at midnight.

✦ My systems became easier to manage.

✦ My assistant could take ownership of her responsibilities.

✦ I had more time to focus on clients and business development.

✦ My brain finally got to close a few browser tabs.

But my favorite part?

I could step away from my business without feeling guilty about every minute I wasn't working.

For someone who'd spent years being the person everyone depended on, that was a pretty big deal.

I Had to Fire My Inner Control Freak

Looking back, I realize how unfair I'd been to myself.

I'd spent years developing the skills necessary to support other people's businesses, but I hadn't given myself permission to receive that same level of support.

I was comfortable being the dependable one.

The problem solver.

The woman who could figure everything out.

And while there's nothing wrong with being capable, there's something exhausting about believing you must always be the most capable person in the room.

I had to get comfortable with someone else having the answers.

Someone else taking responsibility.

Someone else doing something differently and possibly doing it better.

My assistant deserved the opportunity to contribute without me hovering over her shoulder.

And I deserved to enjoy the business I'd worked so hard to build.

Funny how those two things go hand in hand.

TGIF: Thank God I Finally Let Go

There's a reason I love a good Friday anthem.

After spending so much of my career managing other people's priorities, I wanted to build a business that allowed me to enjoy my own life.

I wanted to travel.

I wanted to spend time with my furbabies.

I wanted to close my laptop without wondering whether everything would fall apart in my absence.

And I wanted to enjoy the occasional Friday without treating my inbox like a needy boyfriend.

But I couldn't have any of those things while insisting on personally managing every detail.

Learning to delegate forced me to confront something much bigger than my management style.

My relationship with control.

I'd become so accustomed to being needed that I hadn't considered what life might look like if I allowed myself to be supported.

And when I finally did, I discovered something wonderful.

My business could keep moving without requiring every ounce of my attention.

I could be ambitious and still have a life.

I could trust someone else's abilities without questioning my own.

And I could build something that supported me instead of constantly demanding more from me.

Now that's the kind of relationship I'm interested in.

A Little Something for My Fellow Control Freaks

If you're building a business and struggling to delegate, I understand.

It's difficult to hand over responsibilities when you've spent years doing everything yourself.

Especially when your name, reputation, and livelihood are attached to the outcome.

But hiring someone means very little if you never allow them to do the job you hired them to do.

Give people the information they need.

Communicate your expectations.

Create systems that allow you to monitor progress without constantly interfering.

And understand that someone doing things differently doesn't automatically mean they're doing them incorrectly.

You hired them for their abilities.

Give those abilities a chance.

I learned that lesson after firing a perfectly good assistant.

Thankfully, she gave me another chance.

And I'm glad she did.

Because the woman who thought she needed to control everything finally learned that she could accomplish so much more with the right people beside her.

Turns out, the person who needed training was me.

CURRENT MOOD

Thank God I'm female. Thank God it's Friday.

And thank God I finally learned how to let someone else answer those damn emails.

My assistant has her responsibilities. I have mine.

And somewhere in between, I've discovered the beautiful art of minding my own business while running my business.

PEAK OF THE WEEK

Learning to become the kind of leader I would've wanted to work for.

I'm proud that I recognized my mistakes, swallowed my pride, and gave both my assistant and myself another opportunity.

I've spent years supporting other people's success.

Now I'm learning how to build my own without carrying every responsibility on my shoulders.

And that, my friends, deserves a Friday celebration.

Preferably with my laptop closed.

#ThankGodIFinallyLetGo

XXX,

M💋