At some point, being “easy to work with” started looking suspiciously like making myself smaller.
Before the clients.
Before the proposals.
Before the Slack messages that begin with “quick question” and somehow become a 45-minute assignment.
I knew exactly who I was.
I had opinions.
I had ideas.
I knew I was smart.
I knew I could figure shit out.
Then freelancing introduced this weird little habit of questioning myself.
Am I experienced enough?
Should I charge that much?
Should I say something?
Maybe I should wait until I know more.
Maybe I should soften that email.
Maybe I should add an exclamation point so they know I'm nice!!!
Girl.
What happened?
Apparently, I Put Myself in Plastic
Imposter syndrome is sneaky because it doesn't always sound like:
“I suck at this.”
Sometimes it sounds perfectly reasonable.
“I’m still figuring it out.”
“I don't want to overcharge.”
“I should probably take another course first.”
“I don't want them to think I'm difficult.”
Meanwhile, you've solved this exact problem twelve times.
You have the screenshots.
You have the testimonials.
You have the experience.
You have receipts stacked to the damn ceiling.
But somehow your brain is requesting additional documentation.
Denied.
I Have Been Actin' Brand New
This is where Latto comes in.
“Rip me out the plastic, I been actin' brand new.”
That line makes me laugh because that's exactly what getting out of an imposter-syndrome funk can feel like.
Except I don't think you're becoming somebody brand new.
You're getting reacquainted with the woman who existed before you started second-guessing everything.
The one who didn't need a committee meeting before sharing an idea.
The one who could say no without writing a three-paragraph apology.
The one who knew she was good before a client validated it.
Oh, there you are.
Discovery Calls Are Not Auditions
This one took some learning.
A discovery call isn't:
Please like me.
Please hire me.
Please think I'm worth the money.
You're interviewing them too.
Do I like how this person communicates?
Does this project make sense?
Do they respect what I bring to the table?
Do I even want this job?
That last question deserves more attention.
Because sometimes we're so concerned about whether we're being chosen that we forget we're allowed to choose.
Imagine that.
Please Stop Discounting Yourself Before Anyone Even Asks
This is one of my favorites.
Client: “What's your rate?”
Your brain:
Well, technically I charge $75, but maybe that's too high, and I really like this opportunity, and perhaps I could do $55, or $50 if it's ongoing, and maybe I'll throw in...
Ma'am.
They asked for the rate.
Give them the rate.
You just negotiated against yourself in a conversation the client wasn't even having.
I have absolutely done this.
More than once.
Which is why I can recognize the foolishness immediately.
You Don't Need to Know Everything
This is another trap.
You start comparing yourself to somebody who knows something you don't.
Suddenly, all your experience evaporates.
She's better at automation.
He's better at sales.
They know a tool you haven't used.
Wonderful.
There will always be somebody who knows something you don't.
I've been working for more than twenty years and I'm still learning.
That doesn't erase the twenty-plus years.
Being good at what you do doesn't require knowing every damn thing.
It requires knowing what you know, recognizing what you don't, and being capable enough to figure out the difference.
Your Content Knows When You're Hiding Too
You can see imposter syndrome in content.
Everything gets safer.
More polished.
More generic.
You start writing what you think you're supposed to say instead of what you actually think.
Then you read it back and wonder why it sounds like it could belong to anybody.
Because it could.
Some of my favorite things I've written happened when I stopped trying to sound impressive and started sounding like myself.
Funny how that works.
Maybe the Detox Is Just Catching Yourself
I don't think you wake up one morning completely cured of self-doubt.
I still question myself sometimes.
I just don't automatically believe every thought anymore.
There's a difference between:
“I feel underqualified.”
And:
“I am underqualified.”
One is a feeling.
The other requires evidence.
So now I check the evidence.
Have I done this before?
Do I understand the work?
Can I figure out what I don't know?
Do I have proof that I'm capable?
Okay then.
Proceed.
Rip Me Out the Damn Plastic
Maybe that's what I like about the Latto line.
There's attitude in it.
There's a little strut.
A little reintroduction.
Like you've been packaged up in some watered-down, agreeable, professionally acceptable version of yourself and finally decided:
Yeah.
I'm done with this wrapping.
I don't want to become somebody else.
I want more of myself back.
My opinions.
My standards.
My prices.
My personality.
My ability to say no without composing a dissertation afterward.
She's been here the entire time.
Apparently she just needed help getting out of the box.
CURRENT MOOD
“Put It on da Floor Again” by Latto featuring Cardi B.
Obviously.
Because “rip me out the plastic, I been actin' brand new” is basically the soundtrack for dragging yourself out of an imposter-syndrome funk.
Some days you don't need another motivational speech.
You need a good outfit, a little evidence that you're actually damn good at what you do, and a song that makes you walk through your own house like somebody just booked you for the music video.
Listen to “Put It on da Floor Again” by Latto featuring Cardi B on YouTube
PEAK OF THE WEEK
Catching myself before I talked myself out of something I was perfectly qualified to do.
That little voice started building its case.
I checked the receipts.
Case dismissed.
#RipMeOutThePlastic
XXX,
M💋
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